Pitney Bowes is a company that makes postage meters. There isn’t much to say about them that’s either amusing or interesting but their Toronto headquarters is on the 18th floor of a skyscraper beside the Don Valley Parkway and for about 6 months I crossed a lot of urban landscape and rode an elevator up the 18 floors to my appointed cube.
One morning it was pouring and I was late. I made the elevator and found myself pressed into the middle of a soggy mass of office workers. A woman with a gray, firmly belted raincoat, glasses and an ear length corporate hairdo bustled in and lodged herself directly in front of me, snapping her umbrella up under her arm and directly into my testicles.
Now fully awake I gritted my teeth and ground out “Ma’am, would you mind removing your umbrella from my crotch?”
Which she did. Dead silence reigned supreme as we ascended.
At each floor several people would get off, the doors would close and a howl of laughter would erupt from those just released. The woman fled on the 7th floor but the pattern continued until I limped off on 18 to begin my workday.